Another Lobster Tale...

The graduation/mortgage burning party was good for, not one, but two rather amusing lobster tales. The second revolves around Dwayne, a very good friend of mine, who, like a number at the party, had no clue as to how to eat a lobster.  

To fully appreciate this tale, you'll have to understand that most maritimers know how to eat lobster, I mean REALLY KNOW how to eat lobster. What the maritime approach to eating lobster does NOT entail is prissy plastic bibs and a nutcracker, like one would see in a posh restaurant. Rather, one would see the active and expert use of a large bladed instrument, such as a kitchen knife, and the judicious application of well placed blows to the back of said bladed instrument. A true maritimer can have the seemingly impenetrable armor of a lobster hacked to a sufficient number of pieces as to render every morsel of lobster flesh available for consumption in under a minute. To those uninitiated into the secrets of lobster munching, however, that armored crustacean glaring at you from the plate can be rather intimidating. 

So it was with Dwayne, who, like a small handfull at that lobster feast, had no clue as to how to enjoy his lobster and looked on in envy as most everyone around him dug in. However, Dwayne, being fairly clever (he has a biochem degree, afterall) decided that the best course of action was to ask for help.  

And so he turned to my uncle Daryl for assistance. Darryl informed him that he was missing a critical tool and told him to wait a moment whilst he obtained one. Dwayne waited expectantly, expecting a large knife as many around him were wielding. 

Darryl returned some minutes later. From behind his back, he pulled a meat tenderizing mallet with which he then proceeded, with great gusto, to smash the lobster to bits, as Dwayne watched in stunned astonishment.  

"There you go," said Uncle Darryl cheerfully, before casually turning and walking away. 

Dwayne returned his gaze to the demolished lobster before him. He shrugged and began picking out the bits of edible flesh from amongst the shattered shards of shell. 

Dwayne was always pragmatic about such things...