Them

[the_vulture]

 

So what about Them? I read a lot of rave reviews about this film and was enticed by descriptions of the cinematography, subtle manipulation of tension, the fact that it's based on real events, etc.

Sadly, any good points of this film are sucked away by the plot.

Yep, this was another story that would have ended far earlier (and far differently) if I had been the protagonist of the film. Worse still, the same would be true for quite a number of people I know. Some of the major reasons will become quite clear below.

WARNING: FILM SPOILERS

In horror cinema, there is a tradition of utilizing current fears to make a film terrifying to make a film appeal to its contemporary audience. In this tragic case, this has led to the following premise:

In a semi-rural forest region of Europe, stupid people are being removed from the gene pool by hoodies.

Yes, you read that right: hoodies, little, malicious, hoodie-wearing juvenile delinquents that are not all that far removed from the wretches I teach.

Considering that I am completely unafraid of the wretches who stand my height or taller (and make 'em do coursework, too, dammit!), is it any wonder I found the film hard to take seriously?

Now for the stupidity of the protagonists. Ever watch a film where you find yourself thinking "Oh bloody hell! You DESERVE to die for doing THAT!"? If this was anything close to the real events, then these folk deserve Darwin Awards. It's not that often I actually find myself thinking "Oh please just kill the protagonist and get it over with!"

Sadly, this film wasn't quite terrible enough to make me quit after the first ten minutes, so I wound up wasting about 90. Don't make the same mistake!