Because I do not touch that way

[the_vulture]

In anticipation of ysabetwordsmith 's Poetry Fishbowl concerning alternative sexuality and gender studies, I've written a poem describing one of the key challenges I face as a romantic (and very much touch starved) asexual.

(Yes, I was listening to a lot of Leonard Cohen whilst writing this.)


Because I do not touch that way

Not for me are the sweaty grapplings, concealed in the dark.
I kiss, I touch, with deep embrace, but never reach that mark.
The lesson was so hard to learn, so many hearts did fall,
that, as I do not touch that way, I cannot touch at all.

Kinsey’s X is what I am, and, of us, there should be more,
many with such sexless yearnings that I could so adore.
Yet here I am with none to hold, none near that I recall,
and, since I do not touch that way, I cannot touch at all.

The nearest heart to call my own, a thousand miles away.
With but voices we caress and with only letters play.
But what will become of us, when lonely nights come to call?
For, as we do not touch that way, we cannot touch at all.

There should be more hope and I should have some reason for cheer,
as the call is now raised loud for all the Xs to hear.
Yet, at night with no one to hold, I dread what may befall,
because I do not touch that way, I’ll never touch at all.

Comments

Sadness

[l-rosefeather.livejournal.com]

I get a sense of sadness when I read this poem.
Its very lovely but yet seems very sad.

The flow of the poem speaks like a story to me.
But that might be because I know you.

Re: Sadness

[the-vulture.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Yes, it's a story. Mine, to be precise. Sometimes it's not easy being an ace, especially a romantic one.

[itsjustc.livejournal.com]

That is a very moving piece of writing - and full of sadness.

[the-vulture.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. :)

Yes...

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

I like it. You should do up a bundle of asexual-relevant poems, including this one, and post it on the ace communities.

Re: Yes...

[the-vulture.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'll take your suggestion up with my muse. :)

this really hits home

[oniaka.livejournal.com]

I don't like sex really. It isent fun. It isent pleasure. To me it is just, work... Everyone tells me, "you just haven't been with the right person". But, I know that I just don't care about it.

Don't get me wrong. I get horny too. Just very rarely. And I love the closeness that can come from 2 people sharing their love. But now a days it isent about love at all. It is about "getting your rocks off"...

Why can't I find someone to just cuddle with. Kiss. Hold and be held. Snuggle up to. Fall asleep with. A companion is what I seek. Not someone to fuck...

Re: this really hits home

[the-vulture.livejournal.com]

Have you been to AVEN (www.asexuality.org/en)? Unlike most aces, you're quite mobile; you should be able to find ace cuddle buddies in just about every state. :)

[queen-dream.livejournal.com]

This is a very good poem! I found it to be about someone who wants to be loved but is having trouble finding it because of circumstances beyond the person's control. (Am I correct?)
I hope you find someone that understands you & will love you for who you are someday.

[the-vulture.livejournal.com]

Actually, it's about one very specific pair of circumstances that makes love hard to find. Asexuals, being not very interested in sex at all, tend to be quite incompatible with sexuals for romantic partnerships. The obvious solution would be for asexuals to pair up with other asexuals, except that self-identified asexuals are few and far between. I've found someone who loves me for who I am, and vice versa, but she lives in Nevada, whilst I live on the east coast of Canada. Distance is an issue. So, yes, we both miss out on all the hugs, cuddles and kisses that we both wish we could indulge in.